


Show-Offs and Liars

by Dendritic_Trees, pinkcupboardwitch



Series: Seal Song [6]
Category: Shades of Magic - V. E. Schwab
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Implied abuse, Ludicrous Court Proceedings, Selkies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 17:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21165407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dendritic_Trees/pseuds/Dendritic_Trees, https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkcupboardwitch/pseuds/pinkcupboardwitch
Summary: Alucard is having a very long day full of selkie nonsense.





	Show-Offs and Liars

A major upside to Holland, as far as Alucard was concerned, was that he wasn’t capable of attracting a crowd of admirers just by lolling about making a spectacle for himself (unlike certain people he could name). He was lying around on a rock with his coat on, keeping most of London awake all night, out of spite presumably, seemed to have been tiring. But whatever exactly he turned into, with his sinuous shape and heavy, elongated jaws, only looked like a seal insomuch as he looked more like a seal than he did anything else. And certainly didn’t look like anything anyone would want to wander over to and make a fuss over.

Except for one raving lunatic who was very determinedly clambering towards him, apparently unaware that not only did he look like he could eat people, he actually had.

One raving lunatic who was… Anisa.

Alucard ground his teeth, cursed all selkies to all the saints who might be listening, and set off after her. He told himself that Holland wasn’t actually likely to eat her, but he couldn’t take the risk, not with Anisa. And then he realized that his brother was there too. Further away, but in sight. Alucard made a point of keeping track of Berras, given the circumstances.

By the time Alucard got within earshot of them, Anisa had plopped down next to Holland, like she hadn’t a care in the world. Alucard was going to have to figure out how to buy her a sense of self-preservation for her next birthday. He’d said it before, but this time he meant it.

“…But you shouldn’t listen to them, they would have been up all night going to parties anyway. I thought the singing was nice. Have you always been able to do that? Did someone show you? Can you show Kell? He never sings.”

Of course, talking to Holland was a complete waste of time even when he was human shaped. He steadfastly refused to do anyone the courtesy of maintaining a conversation and this was no exception. But Anisa, who had neverknown when to give up, just kept going, apparently unfazed, even though Holland hadn’t so much as moved. Alucard couldn’t even tell if he was awake.

“Its not a sad song is it? I was worried you might be lonely, down in the harbour by yourself.”

Holland actually makes one of his deeply strange trilling noises at that, though what he meant by it was anyone’s guess.

Unfortunately, Alucard got distracted trying to figure out if he was going to have to murder Holland for laughing at his little sister he forgot to keep track of his other problem.

Berras came storming up, a bit red in the face from climbing, or possibly drinking, or possibly both.

Alucard wasn’t fast enough to get in between them. He heard Berrasorder Anisa to leave and Anisa shout “go away,” and then whatever Berras said in response was drowned out when Holland picked is head up and actually barked; a sharp, echoing sound, right in Berras’ face. The only noise Alucard had ever heard him make that sounded like it should come out of something that looked like he did.

Berras turned to leave, even he wasn’t stupid enough to antagonize something that much bigger than he was, but instead of just going away for once in his life he grabbed Anisa by the arm, apparently intent on dragging her off with him.

Alucard froze. Nobody touched Anisa.That was supposed to be the one boundary he could count on.

Even Holland seemed to know it, because while Alucard was still getting his limbs back under control he clamped his jaws around Berras’ upper arm and slid straight into the sea with him.

That snapped Alucard out of his moment of shock. He scrambled up to where Anisa was standing, peering down into the water, moving to cover her eyes. If Holland wanted to eat Berras then, as far as Alucard was concerned, he was welcome to him, but he didn’t want Anisa to have to watch.

But Berras must not have tasted very nice, because he came storming out of the surf and back towards the city a few minutes later. Alucard noted with a twinge of disappointment that Holland must have a soft mouth, because Berras’ jacket was torn, but he wasn’t even bleeding. And Alucard was going to have to be nice to Holland the next time he saw him, but he dared to hope that that might be the end of it.

Berras went straight to the king.

Alucard wasn’t privy to whatever conversation they had, but he understood court politics well enough to know that Maxim couldn’t actually let foreigners, even foreign selkies, assault the heirs to noble houses. Even though Berras had caused the problem in the first place, wasn’t actually hurt and was just snivelling. But another thing Maxim couldn’t do, was make Holland appear in court, or, in fact, anywhere else, if Holland wasn’t in the mood.

Holland wasn’t in the mood.

And that was how Alucard found himself standing next to Anisa on a narrow strip of beach with the full royal court arrayed around them and the surf lapping at their ankles.

Holland was there, by virtue of the fact they’d all gathered around him, specifically, but he seemed much more interested in rolling around covering himself and everyone in his immediate vicinity in sand than in the gathering of the court and the reading of the charges.

With the opening formalities out of the way it was, unfortunately, Berras’ turn to talk and he launched into a rant that totally failed to keep straight whether Holland a member of the Arnesian court, a foreign diplomat, or a wild animal, and wildly exaggerated how violent Holland had actually been. Or Berras’ actually thought he’d escaped a violent selkie attack; he never was very bright. Or maybe, Alucard thought, with a sinking feeling, it was more convincing to someone who’d never actually had to see how Holland ate.

Berras stopped, probably just to draw breath -

“You are such a liar,” Anisa yelled.

Everyone turned to stare at her. Including the king.

Alucard wanted to turn and run. He didn’t, because he wanted to stay near Anisa more.

Around them, there’s some definite muttering. But through good luck or extremely clever timing, Anisa had, just barely clung to the appearance of court protocol. Berras had made his (trumped-up) accusations and now Holland or someone speaking on his behalf could answer them.

He chanced a side-long glance at Holland, but he’d just rolled onto his side and was lying with his mouth lolling open like he had no idea what was going on, or didn’t care, and Alcuard was still none the wiser as to which it was.

“Would you like to make an alternative case,” said Maxim, slow and steadily.

Anisa took a step back, under the weight of the King’s full attention. Alucard could feel her shaking, but she straightened herself up to her full height (not that that helped much, she’d never been big for her age).

“That is not what happened,” she said, very clearly, “we were walking along the beach, and he _fell in _because he was _drinking _and I _told him not to! _And Holland went and fished him out because he’s nice, and now my brother is trying to get him in trouble to cover up that he made a fool of himself! And that’s what happened.” She finished a little limply.

“I see,” Maxim said.

“You lying little brat-“ Berras started.

Maxim cut him off, “you were not asked to give a response Lord Emery.”

He turned, instead to the royal guards who had been, in theory patrolling the harbour and, in practice, avoiding Holland. “Are you able to clarify this matter.”

The guards looked uneasily from the king, to each other, to Berras and back. Alucard felt bad for them, stuck, as they were, between admitting to not doing their jobs, or taking sides in a fight between the Vestra.

Eventually, the braver, or possibly more sensible guard spoke up. “Both Lord Emery and the - the foreign selkie, ended up in the harbour,” he said, “but we regret, your majesty, that we could not see whether Lord Emery was pulled into the water or if he fell.”

The poor man looked like he could do with an immediate stiff drink, but Maxim just nodded gravely, and looked around, seemingly considering them all.

Holland, who really either didn’t give one single fuck about the whole situation, or was constitutionally unable to stop showing off, rolled back over, either yawned or showed off his fangs (it was never clear with him), and started making his way back into the sea. It looked silly, but honestly, who was going to comment at that point.

“Well,” said Maxim, “under the circumstances, I believe the wisest cause of action would be to consider this a _very _unfortunate misunderstanding on all sides, and consider more carefully before you drag the whole royal court into a disagreement. A _lot _more carefully.”

Berras opened his mouth to make more trouble but Maxim turned his back and started walking back up the beach, his guards and the court immediately moved to follow, and not even Berras could miss that message.

And then Alucard and Anisa were left alone on the beach.

“I think that makes you the hero of the hour,” Alucard said to Anisa.

Anisa abruptly sat down in the sand and started sobbing.

Alucard sat down next to her, and tried, ineptly to comfort her. It didn’t seem to be working. Alucard was usually the thing that Anisa was crying about, and he was more and more aware of it with every passing second.

He was busy ineffectually petting Anisa’s hair, like maybe that would somehow make up for something, and so he didn’t distinguish the regular sound of the tide from Holland splashing around, until he was suddenly there (Saints he was really too big to be allowed) holding a fish, which he, for some some unspeakable selkie reason, dumped in Anisa’s lap. Because that was helpful.

Except apparently it did help, because Anisa stopped crying (so now Alucard owed him two favours, and was going to have to kill him).

“Thanks,” she snuffled, and then stood up and gave Holland a hug.

Alucard devoutly prayed for the whole insane day to end before his heart gave out.

Holland did not eat her. He even waited until she let go to slide back into the ocean.

When he had finally gone, Alucard grabbed his sister and gave her a really good squeeze. She was sort of damp, but that was fine, he could cope with that, just about.

Anissa wiped her eyes and gave him a watery grin, and then picked up the fish, “what do you think I’m supposed todo with this?”

**Author's Note:**

> I can find references to leopard seals barking or roaring as a threat display, but sadly, no recordings.
> 
> But [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxxGx89P0hw) is Holland, taking his court appearance very seriously.


End file.
